Home Headlines Alex Ferguson Retiring To Sutton

Alex Ferguson Retiring To Sutton

Manchester United Manager Alex Ferguson announced his retirement on Wednesday 8th May during a press release. SHCN can exclusively disclose that the Scot who has been at the head of United for 27 years has bought a terraced house in Sutton, St Helens.

Despite having a net worth of over £30 million Fergie has a typical Scottish frugality about him that has manifested itself in his choice of retirement home. SHCN spoke exclusively with his pet West Highland Terrier ‘Ronaldo’ at Fergusons current home in Macclesfield. Ronaldo told us “Alex has been planning this for some time and so wanted to move out of Macc to somewhere a little cheaper, He shortlisted both St Helens and Wigan but on a drive there he only got as far as Abram before saying fuck that, the place stinks.”

It is thought that Alex and his family are desperate to fit in with the local people and already the family have bought a 2001 Ford Focus with ice blue headlight bulbs and a big exhaust. They are attending social classes to learn how to eat a split using a wooden fork as a shovel and also are being acquainted with the local customs such as sharing a case of Skol on the front wall with neighbours and bringing the dining room furniture into the front garden in Summer.

We contacted Wigan council to hear their reaction about St Helens’s latest resident but we were told to fuck off

Photo By Austin Osuide [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

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