Burtonwood – The Beverly Hills Of Parr

Burtonwood – The Beverly Hills Of Parr

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Back in the early 1970s Burtonwood was a haven in the countryside, nothing more than a couple of streets and a smattering of cottages that housed god fearing, hard working farmers and brewers. The pretty lanes that traversed the tiny village meandered past the village church and local watering holes and out through fields awash with colour and golden hues. Locals could be found most days nattering on pretty benches, reminiscing about the Yanks who were based their during the war.

Sadly one of the pretty roads lead into Parr and thus was responsible for the steady influx of those Parr folk who had  done well for themselves in the 1970s, Used car dealers, landscape gardeners and gym owners. Pretty soon, the fields around the village centre soon became housing estates that were adored by the new affluent Parr crew. By the 1980s the village had changed forever.

The Glory Days

The influx of new money from Parr was initially a good thing, New Burtonwooders as the locals referred to them opened shops, bookmakers, chip shops and even a library! The village became known as “Burty Wood” or just “The Wood” and the place was awash with Ford Granada Ghias, hanging baskets and Taj Mahal blinds. Celebrities would flock to Burtonwood to rub shoulders with the new money at weekends, regular visitors would include, Bernie Winters, James Hunt, Sid James and Angela Rippon.

Sadly however these few pioneers from Parr who had made good and moved to Burtonwood also decided to breed. As well as bringing with them their new found wealth they also brought with them their lazy gene. Now 30 years on and with the original pioneers gone, this offspring that they left behind, cursed with the lazy gene have turned Burtonwood into a world class shit hole.

Driving through the village today, you’d be excused for thinking that the lawnmower hadn’t been invented. Gardens are overgrown and strewn with litter and rotting vehicles. The pubs and shops, those of which are still open have an almost Famagusta look about them. The busiest buildings in the village are no longer the community centres and once bustling clubs, it’s the Post Office that sees the most action these days, an odd breed of incapacitated people with walking sticks in their 30’s and 40’s. Gone are the Ford Granada’s of the hey days, and gone is the pride that was once so obvious when passing through the village. All that remains of the once glorious and prestigious Burtonwood is a landscape of empty white lightning bottles, weeds and unkempt properties.

It is rumoured that a leading Supermarket chain who have been developing nearby Haydock are considering buying Burtonwood village and turning it into a megahypersuperfuckingmarket to serve the people of Westbrook. We’ll keep you informed.

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