SHCN has learned this morning that Prime Minister David Cameron has swapped the Bank of England gold reserves for some magic beans. Cameron originally from Milton St in Sutton Manor met with international tycoon Richard Branson over the weekend to discuss the deal.
It is believed that Branson, Owner of the Virgin group has secured a deal to do a straight swap for all the gold reserves in the Bank of England vault for a handful of magic beans that he claims to have discovered on his privately owned Necker Island.
A spokesman for the Bank of England told us “It doesn’t come as a surprise really, The Gaffer has been on about doing something with the basement for some time but we had no idea what to do with this stash of gold that was in the way just gathering dust, We’ve been giving it away Willy Nilly to illegal immigrants and the high street banks but the pile doesn’t seem to get any less. The boss has said that if it’s gone by Christmas then we can have our own grotto down there! Get in!”
City analysts are concerned about the move labelling it as “speculative”. A spokesman for the Virgin Group told us “Richard has been looking to raise some funds to buy Jupiter, he sees it as undervalued real estate at the moment”.
It isn’t the first time the smiling Branson has pulled of a deal like this. Branson swooped on the Sex Pistols in the 1970s when EMI wanted to offload them. This deal isn’t too dissimilar. City expert and London cab driver Rodney Smythe said “Branson’s a smart cookie, he has made himself one of the most formidable businessmen in the world not only with his ability to cut a deal, but also his ability to spot a dick head. Branson knew Cameron was desperate for a solution to the economic problems and so he seized the moment. Be prepared to see the the UK renamed Virgin Island over the next few months.”
Cameron was unavailable for comment today as he was apparently out “planting something” on Wimbledon Common. SHCN also contacted Virgin for a comment but we were told “Richard can’t come to the phone at the moment, he’s currently receiving oxygen after laughing non stop for 54 hours”