A new initiative by the local health authority is urging caravan owners to come forward for confidential counselling. The move comes after recent research indicated that caravan owners are devoid of social skills and self respect.
Professor Plum from the Association Of Social Science (ASS) told SHCN “Our research shown that caravanning is a condition not a hobby, Caravan owners normally attempt to veil their interest with claims of wanting a cheap holiday, our report however shows that the average cost of a new caravan is £15,000 and that it is used maybe 5 time during the duration of ownership, add the cost of the big car needed to pull the thing and the fuel used to haul it up and down the motorway and you’re looking at a nightly cost in excess of the presidential suite in the Ritz-Carlton!” He went on, “We’ve highlighted a defect in the social makeup of typical caravan owners, many caravan enthusiasts live perfectly normal lives during the week but on Friday afternoons they abandon their comfortable homes and spend two days living in a mobile shed on a random field, rolling their own faeces around in containers and eating super noodles from plastic plates whilst sat in a folding nylon chair, That simply isn’t normal behaviour!”
It is hoped that the counselling will be a two way thing, medical experts around the world are taking an interest as it’s thought that if a person is able to be caught in the early stages then they could be cured and integrated back into society.
We asked Professor Plum “How do you know if you’re a potential caravan owner?” he told us, “Pre purchase symptoms include, a fondness for eating lunch at garden centres, an urge to buy tupperware, using clothes pegs to re-seal a family bag of crisps and a feeling of general self loathing. If you spot any of these symptoms then I’d urge you to tell your GP”.