The College St Bakery in St Helens once home the home of Pimbletts who found fame by producing Potato and Pepper pies has been at the centre of a corporate battle this week. The legendary bakery has been the target of two rival companies both of which had tried to secure a lease with the letting agents. The first party to bid was the foul mouthed angry chef Gordon Ramsey. Ramsey from Haydock wanted to turn the failed bakery into a Michelin star pie shop, on his planned menu we believe were such culinary delights as duck a l’orange pasties, swan pies and quail egg trifles.
The second party wishing to secure the premises was a company called Sith, their chairman an eccentric character called Darth Vader, We spoke to Mr Vader on the phone and he told us that he intended to make College St Bakery fully operational by the end of the month. Mr Vader was being represented by his brother George Vader from Joseph St Sutton and he told us that “Mr Ramsey’s bid will be futile”
We understand that both parties had placed sealed bids that were opened on Thursday. It seems that the bid placed by Mr Ramsey was higher and more favourable and that he has been rewarded the lease. Ramsey told SHCN “I’m over the fucking moon, I can now fucking sell the fuckers of St Helens some proper fucking food for the first time in their miserable fucking lives the fuckers. We contacted Sith to see if we could get a further comment. A spokesperson acting for Darth Vader told us, Mr Vader is unavailable for comment, on hearing the news he summoned his brother George stating “he has failed me for the last time”
STOP PRESS – just as we were going to press we understand that Ramsey is considering pulling out of the deal after another venue became available. It is believed that the venue in question may be the recently failed “Country Larder” in the Hardshaw Centre. When hearing the news that it had closed this week it is believed that Ramsey said “fuck me”.