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Doggers on Alert

The local doggers were on high alert on Wednesday as reports that Purps was spotted near a secret fiona brucedogging site off Moss bank Road Clinkham Wood on Tuesday Evening, it is reported that ‘Purps’ a local boogie man approached a number of steamed up cars and knocked on windows asking ‘can I see your muscles’. Local dogger Dennis Badsack said “I was halfway through getting a blow job on the backseat of my XR2 when this big purple face loomed in the back passenger window, I nearly shit myself! I told him to fuck off before I called the police”


Crimewatch hottie Fiona Bruce and her camera crew visited the secret site and said this, “This had the potential to become serious, if any of the doggers had their windows down at the time that would have been an invitation to join in, Lord only knows what could have happened”. The SHCN spoke to the St Helens Dogging Society, or S.H.D.S for short, about what could be done to protect the public. They replied with this advice, “This is an isolated incident and people should not panic, there are a few rules which will help keep the public safe: 1. Keep your windows rolled up if you dont want anyone to join in and slip in a finger or two 2. Don’t flash your lights to draw attention, unless that is, you want to draw attention 3. Keep dogging sites secret and don’t advertise them on Facebook or other public websites”

Jimmy Germolene