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Fat People To Boycott Oscars

Portly people from around the world are standing united by boycotting the forthcoming 2016 Oscar Awards.

A spokesperson for the Slightly Obese foundation told SHCN “We looked at the nominee list this year and we were appalled at the lack of chunks. The only one that even resembles a porker is Kate Winslet but let’s be honest it’s nothing that a month in a spin class couldn’t put right, she’s not exactly a heifer is she?”

He continued “It started in 1987 when John Candy didn’t receive a nomination for his role in Trains, Planes and Automobiles, that was a fucking travesty! Instead the award went to the rather svelte Michael Douglas for his unconvincing role in Wall Street. It’s obvious that fat people are being overlooked by Tinsel Town.”

We asked the organisers of the Oscars for a comment but they declined so instead we asked the bloke from the chippy in Sutton, he told us “I like fat birds me, You won’t get a thin bird to push your car in a morning when the battery’s flat, that’s for sure.”

As we go to press, reports are coming in that postal workers are also planning to join the boycott as they claim that they have never had a member nominated since the Oscars began in the 1920s.