Harry Styles Shagged My Nan

Harry Styles Shagged My Nan


Harry StylesShocking news has recently been uncovered by SHCN that the boy band pinup Harry Styles out of One Direction has been putting it about with some of St Helens more senior residents for years.

Styles, famous for his ridiculous hairdo is well known for having an eye for the older women, having recently rattled Caroline Flack, Natalie Imbruglia and Gloria Hunniford. However, it was before he became famous that his desire for wrinklies started to develop.

Originally from Windermere Avenue, Clinkham Wood, St Helens, the pop star’s life hasn’t always been as glamorous. We met up with Styles’s former colleague, Darren Turdpolisher during his dinner break at the Leafy Oak Manor Nursing Home in Parr where Styles was once on placement for his NVQ 2 in Elderly Care.

“Harry seemed like a decent lad”, Turdpolisher explained. “We used to have a good laugh winding up the residents, but it was when my Nan moved in that things started to change. At first I thought he was just being friendly but I didn’t realise what the fucker was up to until later.”

A resident enjoying her 100th birthday in Parr

“One night I had just finished wiping some old fella’s arse in the bathroom when I could hear some unusual noises coming from one of the bedrooms, it sounded like Harry was enjoying himself so I opened the door. I wish I hadn’t now as I was shocked to the core by what I saw next!”

At this point Turdpolisher appeared visibly traumatised by the events he was recalling and need to sit down and have a glass of water.

“Styles was lying down on his back on an orthopedic bed while two of our naked female residents were riding on top of him, one at each end. That was bad enough until I realised one of them was my fucking Nan!!”

Turdpolisher has been having flashbacks ever since and is now threatening to sue Styles for causing post traumatic stress disorder.

SHCN requested a response from Styles’s management company who had nothing to say except…

“So what? I heard Robbie Williams once woke up with a donkey in his bed!”

Gloria Hunniford is now shagging Justin Bieber.