In light of the recent claims that the new iPhone 6 is bending, an industry watchdog has conducted an independent review. Their findings make for interesting reading.
A panel of experts were given several items to test over the period of 7 days after which they reconvened in London to discuss and compile their findings.
A spokesperson for the panel, Richard Peace told SHCN “We wanted to establish if this was a genuine manufacturing defect or whether it was just the result of the actions of a few stupid people.
We gave our panel of ten experts several identical objects including a new iPhone 6, a Twix, a cigar and a Fabergé egg. We instructed 9 of our panel to carry the items with them at all times for a week in the manner that they best see fit. We instructed the other panel member to carry all the objects in their back pockets at all times.”
He continued “Our findings were as expected. The 9 panel members who carried the items in a normal manner for a week were all able to surrender their items in the same condition as they received them ( with the exception of one slightly melted Twix). The panel member that was instructed to carry the objects in his back pocket found the following:
- The iPhone bent slightly
- The cigar snapped
- The Twix resembled a dog turd
- The fragments of the Fabergé egg were surgically removed from his arse last Sunday evening at Whiston Hospital
Richard summed up by saying “This leaves us with no doubt that most objects would in fact break, bend, melt or cause actual bodily harm if sat on. The iPhone was designed to be a state of the art communication device and not something that should withstand the body weight of a kebab eating chubby. We’ve instructed trading standards on the procedure to handle any further complaints. It involves directions to Ikea to buy something suitable to sit on, a dunce cap and a nice hot cup of fuck off.