World renowned comic and tax consultant Ken Dodd announced yesterday that his Diddy engineers had carried out a geological survey of the flash behind the Engine public house in Parr and they were 99.9% certain that extensive Jam seams lay quite close to the surface. When pressed further Kens spokesman Mr P Diddy told SHCN “I cant tell you much more at present as we want to avoid a mass jam stampede, I am only at liberty to announce that the raspberry flavour jam seams lying below ground have not been washed away by the Vimto springs at Haydock as they lie just above the Vimto table”.
Work has already started to erect a Derrick at the site to begin drilling for and pumping the jam into jars before next summer before wasps around the flash try to take advantage of the plentiful supply of sugary goodness”.
Kens spokesman Wiganer P. Diddy said “its a shame th’ lads wont be able to eat us Jackbit in th’ Engine cos its shut down, but theres always th’ Swan on Swan road….it’s only just over t’ field up brew” the pub landlord at the Swan on hearing of the work said “I dont mind the Diddy lads comin in for a pint at lunch or after work but if they start causin trouble I’ll launch the sinister little twats out, and that Ken Dodd an all!”
By Jimmy Savlon