The baby faced supreme leader of North Korea is thought to have bought the site of the old colliery, sources close to the raving lunatic said “he thought up the idea to re open the colliery to mine it for its natural coal reserves.”
It is not sure why he wants to do this but if recent press reports are anything to go by he really doesn’t have the nuclear capability he says he has.
US analysts have released a statement saying that “he only has enough nuclear capability to light a small farmyard and may be looking to power his ballistic missiles by coal. We are not worried yet as he would need a tall structure to fire the missiles from and as far as we are aware from our intelligence nothing tall exists on the site.”
St Helens council reacted angrily to the US statement saying they must be using an old version of google maps as “everybody knows there is a huge cock like structure there that would be perfect to launch the missiles.”
Unconfirmed reports are that because of his dislike for pies, despite his apperance, Kim Jong-un will test his coal fired missiles on Wigan.
Story by Matthew ‘Jonesy’ Jones