Rumours are rife that well known playwright Andrew LLoyd Webber is to stage a musical set in St Helens describing the lives of its numerous and varied populace through the medium of song and dance. The musical believed to be called “Twats”, will chart the lives of some of the boroughs most colourful characters and will portray in a dickensian manner the many footpads and jolly muggers who inhabit the town centre.
A spokesman told our reporter Captain Black, “We are sure the story of St Helens will be a great hit, after all no one would believe a place like this could exist outside of the imagination of an inhabitant of Royston Vasey, and will follow on from other successes Like Cats and the Phantom Of The Opera. The opening night will premier at the Theatre Royal and we hope to have the likes of Brad Pitt and purple Aki attending”.
The spokesman went on, “we are going to hold auditions for the locals, especially for the fight scenes as we have already seen several bone heads as we drove through Haydock”, he went on “most of them have their own knives and are already dressed for the part, which will save us a few bob in the long run” he said with a grin.
Auditions are to be held at the back of the Sefton.
Story by Captain Black