Earlier in the year the Police were receiving daily reports about a man who was lurking in the bushes in various local parks around the town and jumping out at anyone over fifty, opening his long bubble jacket revealing himself and shouting extracts from the local planning regulations.
As part of his exhibition he also handed out leaflets advertising a new take away that he was opening in Clock Face called ‘Face off kebabs’ with the advertising slogan ‘100% meat – taste it for yourself’.
He thought he would take the innovative approach of exhibiting his own man kebab as a diversion tactic so that people did not walk off without taking the flier. He apparently discovered the misdirection technique after watching Derren Brown. He also timed it so that the park would be busy, as it was during the interlude between Cash in the Attic and Countdown.
After complaints from several male witnesses, who were only actually complaining that it was not a woman, the Police set out to catch him. After questioning the exhibitionist it was decided that given high unemployment in the town that he would be released without charge
A police spokesman stated that “This gentleman was not particularly well endowed and the ladies he jumped out at had to be treated for stomach injuries from laughing so hard. On reflection we figured that he is marketing a business that when open will employ several staff and he will also be signing off the dole, so who are we to stand in the way of improving employment statistics? We did warn him that if he was to continue with this method of promotion to perhaps consider a parker rather than a bubble jacket, as this attire is usually attributed to suicide bombers and we would not want him to cause any unnecessary alarm.”
The take away has now opened to a record crowd and his entrepreneurialism has seen him nominated for a local business award. He has also brought out a new menu including a ‘flash in the pan lean and hard steak baguette’ and a ‘battered chocolate starfish dessert’.
There is also a 15% discount for those quoting the special promo code of “knockoneoutnow69”
Story by Ophelia Bits