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New Retro Clothing Store Appeals To Pretentious Pricks

A new retro clothing store called Gullible is due to open in the town centre this week.

The store that will sell second hand clothes to those who wish to make a bohemian statement has been described as ‘a fucking gold mine’.

Utter Bollocks

We spoke with store owner and bong historian Gerald Ratner who told us “Our business model is superb, This will be our third store. We collect old tat, shove it on a hanger, choose a random price using dice and it sells. Sometimes we light incense to mask the smell, You’d never believe the number of pretentious pricks that will pay a fortune to wear shit that someone has thrown away”

We had a sneak preview of the store and were shown some ‘statement pieces’ by Gerald, a 1980s Walker Sports tracksuit with a modest asking price of £350 and an Army and Navy Stores lumber jacket with faux lambswool collar that Gerald told us was a steal at £195. The star of the show was a black Mary Quant pinafore that an unnamed celebrity wore on her way for a hysterectomy. We were assured that it had been rinsed in the sink before being displayed. It is offered for sale at a bargain price of £3275.

Snake Oil

With vinyl records finding popularity again coupled with the surge in people wanting to wear cast offs in order to look like a hybrid of Austin Powers and George Best, one can only wonder when we’ll be back teaching smoking in schools and burning witches.

Gullible opens this Wednesday, it smells like arse in there, you have been warned!