Word has reached SHCN of a radical plan which involves the North Road area of St Helens (also known as the heights quarter), A council spokesman told our man, “We are finding reasons to dig up North Road scarce, consequently traffic is flowing freely, which obviously is bang out of order. So with this in mind, and also taking into account the fact that we now have many tourist attractions in the town, we have decided to turn North Road into a ski slope this winter”.
Pressed further on the plan the official supposedly said.
“We intend to bring in snow machines and cover the full length of North Road turning it into a massive ski run“, the official went on, “we are going to have one mother of a ramp built at the bottom near Ward St so that once the skiers have reached their maximum velocity( 1000 miles per hour) they will be catapulted right over the centre of town and hopefully come to a splash landing in the hotties where the mayor will present them with a bag of sweets and a medal.”
Continuing he said, “I must admit we’ve actually been thinking of something along these lines since last winter after getting twatted by personal injury claims from people who had slipped on North Road, we thought, why not make it into a sporting event, it will be fucking spectacular”.
Local skier Bruce Forsyth allegedly commented, “I cant wait me, I will be faster than any of them smack heads”.
Story By Captain Black