Parts of St Helens To Be Sold on Ebay

Parts of St Helens To Be Sold on Ebay

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St Helens Sold On Ebay

In a shocking exclusive SHCN can reveal leaked plans by St Helens council to sell off parts of the town on the internet auction site eBay.

The move comes amid strains on the council finances after a number of high profile plans for the town failed to materialise. Following the failure of St Helens council to secure the British Grand Prix, the capital of culture bid and the walking dead film, the council is said in the document to be “on the bones of its arse.”

In the leaked document, the plans to economise in key areas such as not collecting rubbish anymore and reducing the budget spent on the roads from an annual budget of £12,000,000 to just £12 have backfired. Apparently the resulting sea of waste blowing around the town and the fact that certain parts of St Helens are now only accessible by helicopter because of the pot holes have put many pound shops off investing in the town, with many taking their money to Wigan instead.

According to the document the areas to be auctioned off are Parr, Thatto Heath, Earlstown & Nutgrove. It is stated that the council hope that the auction will raise interest from the rich and famous to own a piece of St Helens, Kanye West who was born in Nutgrove and Bill Gates who owns property in Parr are cited as potential candidates to bid next week.

All areas are to be placed on a 3 day auction next week with starting bids of 99p, the auction is due to end on Sunday the 23rd. Local collection only.

The final section of the document states that if anybody emails asking for the buy it now price they can fuck right off.

 

A SHCN Exclusive by Matthew Jones