Phantom Of The Cinema To Decide On Buzby’s Future

Phantom Of The Cinema To Decide On Buzby’s Future

Papa Johns St Helens

The legendary Phantom Of The Cinema in St Helens is to have the final say on whether Papa Johns is to be granted planning permission to convert the old Buzby’s bar. The Phantom, once the owner of the old Savoy cinema that stood on the site of the current Chinese Buffet rules Bridge St with an iron fist. It’s believed that he still lives in the catacombs that run deep below Bridge St and beyond. There have numerous attempts by urban explorers to find his lair, none of which have been successful. His private chamber is believed to be directly beneath the Citadel.

A spokesperson for the planning committee who wishes to remain anonymous told us “The Phantom has requested detailed plans and also a menu from Papa Johns, ultimately we want to rubber stamp the proposal but the Phantom has to have the final say. It’s expected that he’ll reach his decision by the end of the month. ┬áHe normally sends a carriage to the town hall with his decision tied to a rose with a black ribbon. He’s a bit of a dramatic twat if I’m honest. We know he drives a Ford Focus normally.”


  • George Lucas stopped by one day for an afternoon pint after buying a new electric blanket from Argos. He was that astounded by the clientele that he used it as inspiration for the bar that features in the first Star Wars movie.
  • Just five years ago scientists from Norway travelled to Buzby’s to take samples of the carpet away for analysis as they’d received reports that it was covered in the stickiest substance known to man. The technology has now been used on the Orion spacecraft.
  • Over 11% of the towns youth population were conceived in Buzby’s.
  • John Travolta was a regular up until he got a ticket on his Capri for parking on the Range car park.

If the application gets rubber stamped it’s thought that other high st names will be attracted to Bridge St in what could be the start of the towns regeneration. A town hall spokesperson told us “If that’s the case then we’ll be proper chuffed. The new West Point centre that is being developed on the old site of St Thomas’ Sq would be surplus to requirements then, we’ll probably just turn it into a pound emporium or a travellers site, if we’re honest we didn’t give that development much thought, did you know magic mushrooms grow in Sherdley Park?”


It’s thought the Phantom, a known lover of pizza will find in favour of allowing Papa Johns to open in St Helens. He’s keen on returning Bridge St to its former glory and has a dream of one day rebuilding the Fleece hotel and so having a leading food retailer in the game will sit well with him.

Local funny man and hamster collector Johnny Vegas commented “I hope Papa Johns deliver, not like those lazy bastards at Pizza Gut!