Rumours are rife this morning that the people of St Helens and Wigan are considering joining forces in 2015. For years now the two towns have been sworn rivals largely because of rugby based rivalry.
During the past year, both towns have sent envoys across the borders to explore the possibility of a treaty agreement. We spoke to international relations expert Bob Squarepants for his view on the situation.
“What we have here is a window of opportunity to bring these two old Lancashire towns together. The benefits are endless, St Helens get an influx of quality pies from Wigan and in return Wigan can enjoy, the plethora of 99p shops that St Helens has to offer. We can swap players whenever a tricky rugby match comes up, we could even fix matches, it’ll be bob on!”
Salt N Shake
Perhaps the biggest benefit of a treaty would be that St Helens and Wigan people would be free to breed with each other, This should hopefully inject new life into each towns gene pool which should result in less mouth breathers being around in twenty years time and a generation of people less likely to think that playing Farmville constitutes as having gainful employment.
If the treaty goes to plan, Both councils have agreed to resurface the A58 as it currently resembles the road of bones. Wigan has also agreed to rename the area known as ‘Bamfurlong’ as most people in St Helens just get a migraine when trying to pronounce words with more than two syllables. It’s thought that night school classes will be available for those wishing to learn the Wigan language.
SHCN contacted Warrington Borough Council for a comment, sadly nobody was available as they were attending a “knit your own cheese” seminar With Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall