St Helens Council have backed down on the fiasco which was the recylcling scheme after only four months. They have agreed it was a shit plan and have asked people to just “chuck the fucking lot in the big brown bin and put it out any day you like!” The idea came during a management committee meeting held last night in the old Burtonwood brewery and, contrary to popular belief, they were able to organise a piss up there. Andy Fuckwit, head of the doomed recycling scheme, said “It was a no go from day one. We have decided to chuck the fucker in and let the pink recycle bin wagons out as vehicles for proms or even weddings.” A little later, Mr Fuckwit reappered from the brewery to inform the assembled press team that he loved ‘em all and then went off to slash in some nearby bushes.
Eric Prince, the man who designed the leaflet for the scheme, staggered out and said, “Where the fuck am I?” It is believed his advice leaflet has been widely recycled across the borough with 60% of people questioned saying they had used them as toilet paper.
Mrs Granger, the designated driver for the committee said, “It is with deepest regret that we have to say goodbye to the recycling scheme. With this in mind, you may dispose of the recycling containers in the big brown bin or come up with some novelty ideas – the best will receive KES the Kid Eating Snake that was once in the Hardshaw Centre , which has been sitting dormant somewhere near where Oobidoo used to be.”
People have already started to work on the idea of the recycling of their recycle devices including one Parr resident who has used the black bin as an outside loo. A Haresfinch couple have said that the pink bag is nothing more than a Chinese lantern and set one off in a slight breeze to prove their point.
The committee were due to reassemble this morning, but several are still in police cells and all but one phoned in sick. No official release is expected until later in the week although one official reportedly said the brewery might never be used again for such meetings.
I. Parr, Roving Reporter *STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS *STOP PRESS
If you want to join the Facebook action group to make scrapping this ludicrous scheme a reality then click here http://www.facebook.com/groups/directdemocracygroup/