Rick Astley’s alleged attempt to return to his 1987 heyday has sparked disaster for the catering businesses of Earlestown SHCN can exclusively reveal.
Rick, who declared he was close to perfecting time travel in an interview last year, recently finished construction of a prototype flux capacitor when his Maplin back order parts were finally delivered, is said to be dismayed by his failure but is determined to continue his research into time travel.
In the early hours of Thursday 7th March, Rick hooked up his Daewoo Matiz to Earlestown Town Hall Clock via a series power leads covered in Bacofoil which was leftover from Christmas. He started the car with a blast that could be heard as far away as Legh Street. Police arrived on the scene within hours and by the time the Friday Market Stall holders arrived, the only evidence left was an empty Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle carton (Rick’s favourite) and the clock ominously stopped at 01:35 hours.
SHCN understands that the damage to the clock is extensive and it is estimated that it will take weeks to repair. Nearby food outlets are said to devastated as sales of their pies, pasties and cakes have nosedived by almost 75% due entirely to the broken timepiece. A spokesman, who did not wished to be named, said, “It’s awful. The Scratters and Scroungers who frequent the nearby hostelries, no longer know when it is dinner-time, so they end up spending all their Benefit in the pub instead. This loss of trade is killing us”.
Scott Free, Roving Reporter