SHCN has learned that an intriguing theory has been put forward following a recent archaeological dig on the Burgies. Members of a group seen encamped in the area and at first assumed to be local alkies turned out to be a pioneering team from a local hostelry who were digging in search of evidence that the Burgies are in fact covering a long undiscovered Mayan temple dating back to the years before there was even a dole office where the town is today.
Excited by the find a member of the group said ‘it’s been obvious all along: look at the shape of the Burgies near to the Railway line at Pilks and note how they are stepped. That’s exactly the same design Mayan temples are.’ Further research by the team seems to have unearthed more evidence to support them. Strange burn marks have been found on the ground that seem to correspond to ritual behaviour and long silver paper-like creations of pipes have also been found, possible evidence of ancient religious artefacts. Everything seems to be pointing at a definite connection between the Burgies and pre-dole Mayan culture, and if true could mean that St. Helens may well be playing a major part in the famous and now imminent Mayan prophecy concerning the end of the world.
The apocalyptic theory however has brought some criticism; Ivor Thickmoss of Mossbank who once worked at the Pilks factory back in the days when someone had a job said ‘crap; it’s a pile of shit, just a big pile of dumped waste shite. I know, I ‘elped shovel it.’ He was supported by a punter in another quaint watering hole of the town who eloquently began to explain that the Burgies are made of Rouge, a backing for mirrors and that’s why the soil is red before he was clubbed from behind for using foul and profane language in a public and respected local bar. The team however are defensive. They deny that the reports of the burn marks on the ground are actually the remains of the fires lit by the local yoof who were enjoying a quiet nights camping with their friends after a hard days job dodging and they also refute the idea that the silver pipes are, in fact, for freebasing crack.
A member said, ‘anyways, we’ve seen a picture of Mayan temples in a book and they look just like the Burgies near to Pilks at College Street. Alright, the temples in the book are not covered in years of grass growth or trees but the shape is in your face. They are very old; obviously, they are overgrown and them in the Amazon are not.’ This could actually lead to the assumption that the Burgies may even be dated earlier than at first thought, possibly even as old as Pre-pub St. Helens, a long way back indeed, and the team decided to have another pint to celebrate the news. Opinion around the town seems divided on the issue with some taking a relaxed air. One happy shopper said that if it was going to their last Christmas then it had better be a good one and headed back into the Two-Bob shop. Another local resident just shrugged, saying ‘the end of the world? I thought I lived there anyway.” Another one just asked if the Offy would be shut on Doomsday whilst another said it didn’t matter as he was going to Rhyl for his Christmas anyway and he would be out of it.
One thing is for sure; if the theory is true then St. Helens may well find itself in the spotlight on a global stage. Preparations for the chance to appear on TeeVee have already begun and make-up and charity shop fashions have reportedly been flying off the shelves. Exciting times to be a Sintellener indeed.