St Helens Council Propose Annual Charge For Street Lights

St Helens Council Propose Annual Charge For Street Lights

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St Helens MBC Charges

Following on from the proposed charge to empty green bins across the borough, St Helens MBC have now drafted up a proposal to charge households for street lighting.

A spokesperson for the council spoke to us via Skype from the comfort of his Cayman island holiday home. He told us “We realise that the people of St Helens don’t read their council tax demands, as a result, we’ve managed to charge them twice to collect their refuge. It’s been such a success that we’re now exploring other revenue streams. We’re planning on charging people for street lights between the hours of midnight and 5am. Those who live closest to a street light will pay more, those further away will pay a little less. If you have a street light outside your house then potentially you could open your blinds and turn your living room light off. We know there are some scrounging bastards who do this and so it’s only fair they are charged. If anyone kicks up a fuss, we can just tell them that the council tax only covers them up to midnight. I can’t believe that we haven’t thought of it before, it’s a licence to print money!”

A disgruntled resident from Rivington Road told us “They can shove this one up their arse, I’m happy to burn my garden waste on the pavement, that’ll light up the road just fine.”

An insider from the council let us see a document that outlines other proposed charges that are planned this year. These include:

  • A 5% surcharge for people with musical doorbells
  • £10 per week tariff for those people who use their driveway
  • £50 per month tax for anyone who has a head
  • £23 per year charge for anyone who breathes more than 5 times per minute.

Let us know your thoughts.

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