St Helens is not in Staffordshire

St Helens is not in Staffordshire

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st helens is not in staffordshire

We can disclose that an emergency meeting took place in Brussels on Tuesday following an application for urgent funding from St Helens Council. We understand that over 60% of households in St Helens have refused to pay council tax to St Helens MBC based on the fact that Facebook clearly states that St Helens is in Staffordshire and not Merseyside.

st helens is not in staffordshire

A St Helens MBC spokesman told us “We now have a crisis on our hands, at first the people of St Helens found that the Facebook error was nothing more than a mild irritation, being the resourceful bastards that they are though they soon caught on to the idea that if St Helens Merseyside didn’t exist then they would withhold any council tax that was due on the understanding that they could at any time receive a tax demand from Staffordshire.”

We contacted Facebook for a comment but none was forthcoming. Our USA correspondent managed to speak with Mark Zuckerburgs old headmaster who disclosed that “Zuckerburg was crap at Geography and couldn’t find his way to the toilet, he also hates to admit he’s wrong so I wouldn’t hold your breath for an amendment anytime soon”

St Helens is some 70miles from Staffordshire, in fact you’d have to travel from Merseyside, across Cheshire before hitting the border of Staffordshire. The error is causing problems not just for St Helens treasury but also for Royal Mail, homing pigeons, travellers and visitors to the World of Glass museum. Curator at the museum, Wynn Dopane, told our reporter, “our footfall is down 50% since the Facebook error occurred, prior to the error we could get as many as 6 visitors each month, now we’re down to 3 and 1 of those only called in to change the tampon bins.”

It is hoped that following the meeting a solution to the problem is in hand, it is being considered easier to to simply allow St Helens to become an annexe of Staffordshire as an easy solution to the problem. It is just hoped that in the meantime, the residents of St Helens haven’t spent their withheld council tax payments on fake Pauls Boutique coats.