Word has reached SHCN of audacious plans to regenerate the town centre, an alleged spokesman for the council told our reporter, “we are always looking at new ways to increase the gorgeous architecture of what is already a beautiful town, we obviously have our various quarters such as the cultural, which includes many superb carpet shops, and industrial clothing sellers and building on that was always going to be difficult, so we are taking the step of bringing in experts from outside of the borough,” when pushed further the spokesman said proudly “I can confirm we are about to enter talks with Legoland, we will be the envy of the north west”, he said with a smug grin.
When asked what the development may look like we were told, “It will be reminiscent of Rome in its glory days, we are going to have hanging gardens, and huge plazas with mosaics inlaid in them depicting our famous triumphs such as the rebuilding of the station and the jailing of purps, it will be fucking Bob on”.
An alleged spokesman for Wigan council wasn’t as enthusiastic however, “Fucking twats, we know what them c**ts from over t’hill are up to, they are trying to steal our tourists, well they won’t get away with it bastards,” after our reporter calmed the official down, he went on, “we have our own plans in place and intend getting in touch with the builders of toy town, that will fuck the scouse twats right up” he said with a wink.
Johnny Vegas meanwhile said,”Ewt that does for the pie eaters is good enough for me”.
Whilst Purple Aki said “can I touch your muscles?”
Story By Captain Black