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St Helens Townsfolk Live Longest

old manScientists from all over the globe are flocking to St Helens after news was released that the towns inhabitants are amongst the longest lived on Earth. The average age of a typical parrite is 135 years which completely blows away people like the Japanese.

One scientist told our reporter, ” it could be something to do with the diet, I have just had a split and a fish and it was fucking belting, I could eat it again” he said with a satisfied smile, his colleague butted in to say “It could also be the area, I have never seen a location as beautiful, the people all look so healthy and fit in my opinion because of the surroundings in which they live, I mean places like the link road and the hotties dont exist everywhere”, asked to comment further he said, “the people are also amongst the most friendly I have ever come across, the locals are really interested in our research, quite a few have said to me what the fuck are you looking at”.

The oldest inhabitant of town Eric Methusala from clock face said, “Bob on”.


By Captain Black
photo credit: Fouquier ॐ via photopin cc