Sutton Man Concedes Defeat in Firework Arms Race

Sutton Man Concedes Defeat in Firework Arms Race

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Sutton resident Craig Waffle yesterday admitted defeat in the escalating firework arms race with next-door neighbour Terry McPerry. Waffle, 39 of Irwin Road, yesterday told SHCN that recent economic problems had forced him to reduce his stockpile for this year’s annual 5th of November Bonfire Night Conflict.

Cock Off

“I just can’t compete this year.” Said Mr.Waffle, “Our Kayleh has started her hair-dressing course at tech and I’m having to stump up for her bus fares and dinners, and the wife’s Micra needs a new timing belt. The fireworks will just have to take a back seat this year, I bet that bastard next door is laughing his cock off.” The arms race in question started on bonfire night 10 years ago when Mr McPerry stuck his head over the fence and ridiculed the duration, brightness and volume of Mr.Waffle’s fireworks,

Ashamed

Mr.Waffle said he was ashamed of his poor showing and endeavoured during the following years to better Mr.McPerry’s displays. Mr.Waffle went on to say: “I’ll be back next year though, I’ve already got my eye on some 6 foot parachute rockets, display size catherine wheels and 95 shot repeater barrage air-bombs, that fucker next door won’t know what’s hit him.”

 

Story by Bobby Zelmet

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