Taylor Park To Welcome Back Grizzly Bear

Taylor Park To Welcome Back Grizzly Bear

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Taylor Park is a bit shit without a bear - image -Sue Adair

The Friends of Taylor Park (FTP) yesterday welcomed the news that St. Helens Council have finally relented in the campaign to return the grizzly bear to the park. And FTP spokesperson told us that “We are over the moon with the news”.

Barney, the original Bear was donated by the Alaskan town of Moose’s Nads in 1955 in gratitude for being elected the first St Helens twin town. Our fair borough became the very first town in England to have its own Grizzly. For many years, Barney lived happily in his spacious cage in the old aviary section. He used to enjoy munching on the many tit-bits donated over the years, such as Mars Bars, stale bread, Vincent’s ice cream cones and the odd unwanted child off the Aussie estate.

In 1970, the famous charity wrestling bout took place between Barney and famous St Helens hard knock and pub brawler, the late, great Jonty Pilkington. The contest was only stopped in the fifth by the referee owing to Jonty losing too much blood and fast running out of limbs. Despite this the event managed to raise the tidy sum of fifteen quid.

Barney’s days were numbered however. Some Green Beard people threatened to take the Council to court over their ‘unlawful’ possession of the bear, which they said could cause global warming. The original, now taxidermised, Barney is rumoured to stand magnificent in the Secret Annex to the Mayor’s Parlour in the Town Hall. Barney’s cage, now replaced by several wind generators and a shop selling eco-friendly shit, will soon once more echo to the roar of St Helens very own grizzly.

Councillor Stan Rommel told the News “We actually wanted a polar bear but we realised that Taylor Park lake could be targeted by Greenpeace and other nosey Southern wankers. The last thing we want is the fucking ‘Rainbow Warrior’ disturbing the anglers smoking pot, while pretending to be after the 8 foot pike rumoured to lurk beneath the depths

 

 

Story by Lancashire Lad