The Lord’s Prayer advert that has been produced by the Church Of England has been banned in most cinemas around the country causing uproar!
We contacted a Church of England spokesperson who told us “We’ve needed to get more bums on seats for some time, someone came up with the idea of producing a TV advert. We’d tried all sorts of things in the past including playing Nintendo type music during sermons to try and brain wash people but none of it has worked. We were certain that this was the answer, to say we’re disappointed is a bloody understatement!”
A spokesman who represents big screen advertising told us “This is nothing to do with not wanting to brain wash cinema goers. We have nothing against the Church of England and to our knowledge they no longer promote burning witches which is a positive. The simple fact of the matter is that the advert is shit. There are no A list actors in it, they’ve shot it in a dreary location and the soundtrack is wank.”
He continued “If they want to go back to the drawing board and try again then we’ll reconsider. Maybe they should see if Depp or Clooney fancy a cameo role, they might want to consider filming it in Mexico, why not have a soundtrack by Miley Cyrus? A couple of explosions midway and perhaps the latest Aston Martin in the foreground? This is what cinema goers want to see, this is what sells popcorn. Nobody gives a shit about some dreary people reciting an old prayer, Put Jesus on a Harley and have him rip the fucking highway up whilst explosions of biblical proportions happen around him and they’ll have people begging to come to church on Sundays! Fact! The Lord’s Prayer just isn’t going to cut it.”