Dog shit levels at all time high

Following research carried out by Manchester University it has been revealed that Dog shit levels on pavements and gardens in the St Helens area exceed the National Average by 7.2%
Factors cited by researchers include a greater number of large dogs per paved unit area, diet, seasonal factors and owners who are ignorant selfish wankers.
Suggestions on the implementation of a shit reduction policy have been rejected by St Helens Council as 'unworkable and requiring thinking beyond current abilities'
More practical suggestions include the adding of binding agents to pet foods, less feeding of takeaway curry leftovers to 'Bonzo' and shooting offending dogs up the arse with a dart gun if they try it again on your front lawn.

Further investigations will be carried out by the Ministry of the Environment as the whiff is disturbing delicate instrumentation used for measuring pollen levels and interfering with air traffic.