Nexus To Be Midget Haven

The geriatric community was rocked to it's very core today when it was revealed that the owner of Nexus nightclub Arthur Shacklebottom has decided to make it a midgets only venue.
After being questioned on this, Mr Shacklebottom was quoted as saying,
"Yes, it's true, if your over 4'5 the chances of you getting in are slim to say the least. I love the little fellahs, so it'll be a place for them to come and forget about being vertically challenged."
Steps are already underway to make the club as comfortable as can be for the mini men and women of St Helens. Rather than lower the bar, Shacklebottom has installed each bar stool with their very own escalator. Verne Troyer aka Mini-Me of Austin Powers fame is set to open the club. The opening night will have an Irish theme and the midget with the most authentic looking crock o' gold will win a years supply of stilts.
Fat Lard, owner of Crystals thinks Shacklebottoms on to a loser.
"Yeah I tried the little people thing a few years back. They got a bit ratty when I did a Wizard Of Oz theme night because they thought I was having a pop at them for lookin' like munchkins. They trashed the place. Good riddance. Business is gonna be booming in here, when Nexus re-opens as a midget bar, I'll be converting Crystals back to the good old days of being a strictly over 45's joint. The ladies from the bingo hall will love it."
The small backward talking midget from Twin Peaks was unavailable for comment but we expect he'll be riding the escalator to heaven come opening night at Nexus.